British Asian marriages scarred by rising abuse

Powerful loyalties to family honour often force women locked in brutal relationships to resort to suicide, forum is told
By Arifa Akbar
12 October 2002
Thousands of British Asian women are locked into brutal marriages, forced to endure physical and mental abuse for the sake of family honour, a conference was told this week.

The first national symposium on domestic violence in minority communities was told that growing numbers of third and fourth-generation British Indians and Pakistanis were sliding into depression or attempting suicide to escape their daily torment.

The suicide rate among British Asian women who suffer domestic abuse is two to three times greater than for non-Asian victims and there is growing depression and isolation. Attempts to escape the abuse, which in some cases included genital mutilation and assaults from the extended family, had seen women being traced and murdered by their families.

Research by Blackburn with Darwen Council, where about 19 per cent of the 137,000-strong population is from an ethnic minority, revealed the extent of the problem. Ghazala Sulaman-Butt, a policy officer, interviewed about 100 Asian women, many of whom were severely depressed and isolated after enduring psychological, physical and sexual violence. None was prepared to speak out for fear of bringing shame to the family izaat, or honour, which renders broken marriages taboo. Mrs Sulaman-Butt said: "Domestic abuse is a feature of every community and is fast escalating within the Asian communities ... culture and tradition plays a major part in the survivor's decision to tolerate the abuse.

"Such is the power of izaat that women have committed suicide or attempted suicide rather than leave an abusive relationship."

The meeting in Blackburn, organised by the Northern Circuit for Domestic Violence Forum and funded by the Lord Chancellor's Department, the Home Office and the local council, was the first in a series of seven conferences on hidden domestic violence in Asian communities. Research by the Southall Black Sisters pressure group showed that of more than 2,000 Asian women who sought counselling every year, the majority for domestic abuse, almost all would have contemplated or attempted suicide during their married lives.

Delegates heard that Asian women brought into the country were faced with the added problem that they could not speak English. This meant they could not obtain information about women's shelters, social security benefits and basic human rights.

This week, an inquest in Swindon into the death of a Sikh woman, Harijinder Malri, 24, was told she had endured an unhappy arranged marriage. Mrs Malri, who was brought from India for the wedding, placed herself in the path of an oncoming train after enduring abuse from her husband. Friends and family revealed she had already tried to take her life once with an overdose. A report from a psychiatrist into her death in April in Swindon said she had told him in May 2000: "I do not want my life."

A doctor's statement added that "she had huge cultural and social pressures and she was very guarded and protective of her abusive husband".

While most arranged marriages are undertaken willingly in Britain each year, at least 1,000 are estimated to be forced, a position that the conferences are trying to address. They are also looking at issues such as trafficking in children and other forms of domestic violence.

In some instances, the domestic violence can be tied to forced marriages, a link that Rosie Winterton MP, a parliamentary secretary in the Lord Chancellor's Department who attended the Blackburn conference, said she was keen to investigate.

The lack of independent interpreters, Asian police officers, social workers and advisers has been identified as a factor that prevents Asian women from speaking about their abuse.

The next conference will take place in London in February, followed by meetings in Bradford, south Wales, Scotland, Birmingham and Bristol, ending in March 2004.

Case study: 'I was raped but my parents disowned me'

Shazia Sheikh was duped into a two-week "holiday" to Pakistan at the age of 15. Once there, she was forced into a marriage with a man 16 years older than her.

During the six years the union lasted, British-born Shazia (not her real name) suffered serious physical and verbal abuse. The assaults included rape and attempted strangulation. She had a knife held to her throat and, in despair, contemplated suicide.

Shazia, now 29, was told she would never return to Britain if she did not fall pregnant. "I suspected something was not right before I left. I went to social services to stop my parents from taking me but nothing came of it," she said.

"I felt trapped when I found out on arriving they had bought me a one-way ticket. I wrote to my school in England and I wrote to the British embassy in Pakistan. No one responded. I could not refuse the marriage because I believed my parents would kill me if I didn't marry him."

After her son was conceived, Shazia returned with her husband to her parents' home in northern England, where she lived under the constant fear of being attacked by him. At the lowest point in her marriage, Shazia stopped short of swallowing the handfuls of paracetamol tablets she had emptied into her mouth.

"He was raping me all the time and coming in drunk and high on drugs. I would lie in bed too scared to sleep. He told me if I told the authorities, my younger sister would be taken to Pakistan," she said.

Thinking back to the first beating at the age of 16, Shazia remembers her extended family watching while she was assaulted for "answering back" to her husband. Her father slept in the neighbouring room as her husband punched her back and legs.

Shazia finally found the courage to escape after her husband sat on her and tried to strangle her. She believes she was saved by her younger sister, who accidentally came into the room and fought him off.

Shazia, who has since trained as a hairdresser and lives with her 12-year-old son, was disowned by her parents after leaving her husband. He has now returned to Pakistan.

She felt she needed to leave to stay alive, but the guilt remains. "My parents disowned me for years after I left. My father had still not forgiven me when he died three years ago," Shazia said.